I shall not keep it in my pants
I shall not, will not, maybe can't
I've pioneered so many strange worlds
In my quest for Martian Slave Girls.
Though Sixties bigots raised a furor
I kissed that comely lass Uhura
Where MLK had but a dream,
Why I had coffee with some cream
Where others only wished they might
I've been in Batgirl's oh-so-tights
"It's Not Easy Being Green" and stuff
I but find Greens easy enough
Me as D.Rabbit
My Dr. Seussian is wanting but I had fun just the same.
Could he, should he, would he, keep it in his pants?
"It's diplomatic relations," the chorus sweetly chants.
He travels near and he travels far
From asteroid to brown dwarf stars.
Populating planets, producing perverted transplants!
They seek him here, they seek him there, they seek him everywhere.
Green gals with steamy glares, Captain Kirk they want to snare.
He tongue wrestled his way across the Milk Way.
Some day he will have to stop, be made to pay.
For all his paternity, all his heirs, he doesn't have a single prayer.
A fairer role model, why, you'll never find
I'm uniform-, species- and race- colorblind.
But I am NOT blind to ship or to duty
or any odd kind of alien beauty.
Why, McCoy's secret diary just may report a
unpublished exam of some pregnant Horta
"Dammit, Jim, I'm not an abortionist!"
But who would believe that I was a Horta-nist?
But paternity? Please! That's no biggie, honey.
Where I come from, why, we're phasing out money.
You'll find that your legalese carries scant urgency.
to star-faring satyrs who don't value currency.
-- Orpheus "Wait! Why am I writing this in the first person?"
It's not your currency that is of urgency,
We are mercenaries from galactic agencies.
Your progeny outnumbers Orion's population,
The obvious results when your keen on copulation.
The agencies are united, a front for megalomaniacal rule.
Captain your resources or in the dungeon you will drool.
Or perhaps lose your man hood in some freaky, "accident!"
Your attention we demand, we are seriously adamant.
The Horta-Kirks are all ready to mine the ore of war.
Though keeping them from breeding is more then just a chore.
If tiny furry Tribbles be of serious epidemic population,
Replicating Horta-Kirks, exponentially could rule the constellations!
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