\ Dead Batteries

Dead Batteries

Osiris was concerned - very concerned. Here he was, ready to head off on his yearly retreat from the heat. He had it moderately well figured out. He'd take his lap top with him and as long as he could find a phone line, he could stay in touch and keep the MBers moderately happy.

Now the boss was changing things. "You go," the boss had said. "I'll look after the board myself. As long as Rivergirl is here to help me, it'll be fine. In fact, it'll be fun."

"Define fun," thought Osiris. "She's why I have a very high regard for paranoia." He was very concerned.

Things seem to go quite well - at first. The MBers graciously welcomed the Interim Moderator. A maidenly sense of modesty seemed to settle on many of the ladies, and they blushed to think of some of the things they had written in recent weeks.

The only thing out of the ordinary was the near constant stream of boxes arriving, all addressed to Captain D. Himself's office in the secret post office box in Ansonia Station was relatively small, and her Beloved Employer wasn't. Rivergirl was forced to stack the boxes every where. Both she and her Beloved Employer were obliged to climb over and even sit on boxes all throughout the office. And, what was even
odder, it seemed that some boxes were being removed at night, only to be replaced by more deliveries during the day.

Eventually, even such kind souls as Himself and Rivergirl became suspicious. They cut open one of the boxes that had just arrived and found it filled with dead batteries. They were confused as well as suspicious. They decided to hide in the office that night and see what was happening. Imagine their shock when, late that night, they saw a tall red-headed woman sneaking into the office. It was Captain D,
and she was stacking the oldest boxes on a dolly and heading for the door. Himself jumped out from behind another pile of boxes and threw his arms around her, making her his prisoner. (Strangely enough, Captain D didn't seem to mind this in the least.)

"All right, big guy. You got me," she said. "I knew it was too sweet a deal to last. But the lawyer is going down with me!"

"But why, Captain D? Why are you doing this?" asked Himself, somewhat hurt that his generosity in hiring her had been so cruelly used.

"I'm doing it for the money, of course," confessed Captain D. "There's a lot of money to be made selling recharged batteries at my flea market."

"But how are you recharging them?" asked Rivergirl. "When the packages come in, they stay sealed until you come and take them at night. How do you recharge them?"

"The lawyer's the one that figured that out," said Captain D. "She noticed that if you put a dead battery anywhere near our Beloved Employer, there'd be chemistry.
We've been collecting dead batteries from all over, and piling them in here. Now that
Himself is in the office full time, it was easy."

Later that day, Himself got an email from the still very concerned Osiris asking about the situation in the office. Himself responded by saying, "My situation is - complicated." He also confessed to Osiris that he was so disappointed that Captain D's reformation seemed so short lived. "You're surprised?" shot back an incredulous Osiris. "That's what you get for incessantly trying to help!"


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